Until it’s permanent

It’s the bush, mainly. Once you’re a few hours in there’s nothing. No signal (well, except for Starlink these days, but that’s just for safety), no one wanting anything from you, no next thing. Just the track in front of you and however far you’ve decided to get today. I’ve never found anything else that does that to my head. At home I’m measured by how much I got through. Out there the day is only what happened, and that’s the whole of it.

We camp. Anna and I get the tent up, get a fire going, and that’s the evening sorted. Which, thanks to Alu-Cab, is far easier these days. The decisions shrink down to what time we eat, when we turn in, and when’s my next GnT. Things that would be nothing at home take an hour and I’m perfectly happy about it. I think most of what I like about the trip is being with her without either of us having anywhere to be.

The animals sort out your sense of time. You sit and you wait and they turn up or they don’t. You can’t hurry them and there’s no point being annoyed about it. After a few days of that I stop checking my watch. Africa runs at the pace it runs at, and you either fall in with it or you have a miserable time.

I’m honest that it takes me a while to come down. Fidgety, anxious, distracted. The first day I’m still reaching for my phone. Second day I’m still half in a work conversation in my head, thinking about what’s left undone and stressing about what’s to come. By the third it’s gone, and I’m just a man in a vehicle deciding whether to turn left. Nothing else exists at that point. Not the businesses, not the inbox, not any of the things I’d have sworn were urgent the week before. It’s just me, my wife, and Africa.

What I don’t really know is why that version of me won’t come home. I’d like to be that person in London and I can’t be. London won’t have him. It’s the grind, the work, the fact that every hour is spoken for before I’ve even got up. There’s no room in it for the man who’s happy to sit and wait and see what turns up.

We’re going back every year until it’s permanent.

Simon